Rewind one year to the picture above. Home after an evening out, Tyler had made my mom's famous double layer 8 inch pan chocolate gourmet magazine 1987 cake. Over the moon happy. Tequila. Chocolate. Love. Birthday. #fitformula
Looking back I was missing something that you can't see in the picture. Trust.
If I could put what I learned during my 27th year in 3 words this would be it.
Trust the process.
This past year has been filled with both heart filled greener than green juice joy that I want to scream from a mountain top as well as dark, painful, rocky and challenging to my core. I have felt unconditional love, joy, sadness, and peace. While feelings haven’t changed, the space I have felt from has shifted.
When I was little, my dad, who is a psychiatrist, always encouraged us to share how we are feeling. This space I have shared and experienced feelings from has come from all places on the spectrum.
Defending. Reacting. Judging. Choosing. Responding.
Go back a few years including this past year, I most likely experienced both the good and bad experiences from judging and comparing myself to others around me. Just like Instagram, I choose all kinds of filters. The filter in my head has sounded something along the lines of “I should...” “I wish...” “If only...” Sometimes I am not even aware that I am doing it. Where does this come from? As my teacher, Baron Baptiste says “Judging others is really judging you.”
Whoah. Every time I “should”, I am coming from a place of judging myself.
Life has been sticky the past few months, not the way I visioned. I remember in March putting it out in the universe, I can’t wait till May things will shift. I do this all the time, I can't wait till blank to avoid what is right in front of me. Reminder. I need to breathe with what is right in front of me. I kept telling myself. Over and over. You can’t rush the process. There’s nothing you should do but be exactly where you are. Instead or rushing, simply (easier said than done) trust the process.
This has not been easy. I am human just like you. Fear steps in and I tend to go on the defense with daggers or back in my turtle shell. I have challenged myself and shifted by catching myself and attempting to put a halt to judging and comparing my experience to others around me and instead trusting my process. Trusting my relationship with myself, my health, my body, my relationship with Tyler, my family and my friends, my big hairy ass goals, my visions, my yoga practice, my teaching, my fears, my limits, and my possibilities. I have started trusting me. This space of trust has brought along a new space of acceptance. I am not rushing anything. Sometimes I fall below into judgment and I know I will continue to, it is the bounce back time to get me above. Back to trusting me. I want to feel all the moments that make me who I am. From my skin, to my muscles, to my bones, I hug in.
I am the only one responsible for my power. Each of us are the owners, directors, creators, and leaders of trusting our process.
I see my tribe of family and friends I love around me experiencing both the really heart-filled-I-want-to-pick-up-the-phone-and-call-everyone-and-share-my-joy- as well as the hard-I-have-cried-for-an-unmentionable-amount-of-time-make-that-a-double-on-the-rocks.
Each of you.
Your new house, new job, old job, death of a loved one, suicide in the family, depression, anxiety, new baby, infertility, relationship problems, new marriage, divorce, engagements, planning a wedding, break up, get back together, vacations, saving money, debit, new puppy, weight gain, weight loss, cancer, health issues, finding a cure, winning a race, stress, release, move to a new city, move away from family, move closer to the one you love, goal, and the goal you are still putting in the time to make a reality.
Each of us are the only one responsible for trusting ourselves. Trust your process. Step into your power.
Be with the dark moments that make you feel alone, not worthy, different and know that right around the corner is that moment when you feel like you are a head of the hamster wheel just about to land handstand for more than 3 seconds or finish the marathon for the first time.
Accept it all. Be in each of them like it is your birthday. Trust the process. Trust YOUR process.
Get in your feet, out of your head.
I am grounded. Ready for you. Who’s with me?
This is the year.
What you got? Game on!